A little bit of engine humor

[syscom_3]

DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO FLEW BEHIND

ROUND ENGINES...not those skinny turbines or inline piston engines


acourtesy of Frank Hannegan

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We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining

aviation and our hearing...



A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery.

The air travels through it in a straight line and doesn't pick

up any of the pungent fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.



Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a

switch from 'OFF' to 'START' and then remember to move

it back to 'ON' after a while. My PC is harder to start.



Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style.

You have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny

mistress. On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...



Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof

and start whining a little louder.



Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG,

more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more

clicks, a lot more smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

We like that. It's a GUY thing...



When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged

and you can concentrate on the flight ahead.

Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan:

Useful, but, hardly exciting



When you have started his round engine successfully your

crew chief looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl too!



Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, leading to

aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention.

A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going

to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the mind!



Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to

keep a pilot's attention.

There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.



Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman

Lamps.

Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.

[Za Rodinu]

I agree, but you are too obsessed with turbines, you speak of them all the time!