Not really a joke but still good for a laugh. Oregon Park Rangers Decided to Bury a Perfectly Dead Whale Instead of Blowing It Up
Wednesday Wisdom 1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest queue, the cashier will have to call for help. 6.Variation Law -If you change queue (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. 7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11.. Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the paediatrician
All subsumed in Finagle's General Theorem The Universe tends to the maximum of perversity Sometimes colloquially expressed as All inanimate objects hate us
From the 'Gibraltar Chronicle', 24 June 1944 A topical (and funny) cartoon by Giles with the Germans fighting on the Eastern Front, the Western Front and in Italy.
At a press reception in the Ministry of Propaganda, Goebbels said to an American journalist: "If your Roosevelt had an SS like like Hitler, there would be no more gangsters with you." "Certainly," replied the American slowly, "they would have been Standartenführer for a long time now."
Found dog while hiking at Fort Mountain. He doesn’t have a collar and is a little aggressive. He nipped at my fingers when I tried to feed him a dog treat. I can’t keep in my house anymore since he destroyed it trying to get outside. He is definitely does not want to be with me. I will take him to the vet at 3 pm if no one on here claims him by then.
An amusing little bit in Neil Barber's The Pegasus and Orne Bridges about the glider pilots before the op, who were looking at the relief model of the area which was getting repeatedly updated as the situation on the ground changed. Such attention could only generate supreme confidence in all of us. In fact, one of the crew remarked "Someone's taking an awful lot of trouble over this operation, so we'd better not cock it up or the King will be rather cross." Well that made me laugh anyway - such wonderful understatement.
Sir, we have a real problem! Calm down, soldier – problems are just opportunities in disguise...and now tell me In this case, Sir, there´s an opportunity disguised as Tiger tank attacking our positions
We used to have a senior partner who used to use this phrase to which one international client replied -"usually an opportunity for you to charge us several million more for the services of your experts"
