How can we not have a jokes thread?

Discussion in 'The Barracks' started by Za Rodinu, Feb 7, 2009.

  1. ltdan

    ltdan Nietenzähler

    Recently, at some foreign checkpoint:

    Immigration controller: You´re German?
    Me: Yes


    Immigration controller: Occupation?
    Me: No, no! On vacation!
     
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  2. KevinBattle

    KevinBattle Senior Member

    Todays offering..... upload_2020-4-4_20-27-14.png
     
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  3. canuck

    canuck Closed Account

    When plagues were good comedy.

     
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  4. canuck

    canuck Closed Account

  5. Chris C

    Chris C Canadian researcher

    From some old Goon Show in which Neddie and Eccles are both British agents in WW2.

    Neddie: Eccles, how's your German?
    Eccles: He's fine, how's yours?
     
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  6. Tricky Dicky

    Tricky Dicky Don'tre member

    This might stir up a little comment or two

    [​IMG]

    TD
     
  7. sheila and richard

    sheila and richard Well-Known Member

    This made me laugh, Ive just washed my hair, had a lucky escape there! She
     
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  8. Dave55

    Dave55 Atlanta, USA

    The image in that one didn't come through for me. Don't know abut other people.

    upload_2020-4-22_13-26-3.png
     
  9. sheila and richard

    sheila and richard Well-Known Member

    Must get out and buy some razor blades! Dizzy
     
  10. sheila and richard

    sheila and richard Well-Known Member

    Heat in the winter, shade in the summer! Dizzy
     
  11. sheila and richard

    sheila and richard Well-Known Member

    We love your sense of humour, thanks for the laugh Kevin. She and Dizzy
     
  12. Robert-w

    Robert-w Banned

    Unless one has an STD in which case scowl and stick to Penicillin
     
  13. Dave55

    Dave55 Atlanta, USA

    Last edited: Apr 22, 2020
    Chris C likes this.
  14. KevinBattle

    KevinBattle Senior Member

    Wednesday Wisdom
    1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
    2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
    3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
    4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
    5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest queue, the cashier will have to call for help.
    6.Variation Law -If you change queue (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
    7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
    8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
    9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
    10. Law of Biomechanics -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
    11.. Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
    12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
    13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
    14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
    15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
    16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
    17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
    18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
    19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the paediatrician
     
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  15. Dave55

    Dave55 Atlanta, USA

    Law of Deodorant. - When you realize you forgot to put it on that morning it is probably too late.
     
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  16. Robert-w

    Robert-w Banned

    All subsumed in Finagle's General Theorem
    The Universe tends to the maximum of perversity
    Sometimes colloquially expressed as
    All inanimate objects hate us
     
  17. KevinBattle

    KevinBattle Senior Member

  18. Tricky Dicky

    Tricky Dicky Don'tre member

    Strange things happen
     

    Attached Files:

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  19. Dave55

    Dave55 Atlanta, USA

    Virus free and pretty funny :)
     
  20. canuck

    canuck Closed Account

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